OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
