Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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