whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
