would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
