its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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