Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
