I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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