Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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