WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
