Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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