Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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