Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
