I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
