nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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