separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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