Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
