It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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