I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
