Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
