It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize