great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
