guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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