sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
