hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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