i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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