Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I miss vodka workout Fridays
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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