Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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