she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
