Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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