I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
