You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
