My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
