I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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