If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
