i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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