If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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