we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
