I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
