$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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