I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
