Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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