She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
