my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize