My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
