If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
