john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
