I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
