is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
