You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
