Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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