she woke up with a sticky ear
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize