help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
