lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
