Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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