I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize