Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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