In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Someone signed my nipple.
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