The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
