I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
