Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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