i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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