The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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