I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
