i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
