i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
