She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
